The dating pond. Four fish to cut off your line…

Over the last few months, I have had several of my girlfriends confide in me their unhappiness in their current relationships or horror stories of their dating experiences.  Never the less, I could not begin to imagine venturing out into the dating scene this late in my life considering it was not too too long ago that I was part of that dating scene and enduring the experiences myself.  Afterall, having spent nearly 11 years in the dating pool as a single parent, I certainly have both my horror stories and my heartaches, not to mention some of my really bad dating habits that today make me cringe when I see friends going through the same.  Let’s face it, we have all heard the old saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea”. And while that may be the case, not every fish you might catch will be one you will want to keep on your line.

As I mention on my blog page, my blog is not just about lipstick and eyeshadow. Beauty goes far beyond make-up and part of that beauty is the relationships we choose within our life and how those relationships affect us in either a positive or negative way.
I don’t claim to be a professional dating or marriage expert, but  I can tell you from many years of experience after divorcing my night in shining armour and having worked as a crisis counsellor in a domestic violence shelter, I have come to realize that feelings of love will often blind a person from the many red flags that scream that we are not making choices that are in our best interest.

For almost 15 years or more, the social online dating scene has taken us by storm. With so may sites and so many participants, it has made it easy to find a date. In my own dating years, I was no stranger to the process. After awhile, one would hope that if you keep meeting the same type of person and it’s not working for you, you will move on and try something different. Right ?

I have had friends share with me their online dating experiences and relationships. I have listened as they have shared their broken hearts and questioned their own beauty because the guy they are madly in love with is not madly in love with them but continue to try and “save” the relationship with hopes that he will come around. As much as you want to be a good friend, sometimes you just have to say it like it is hoping they will eventally figure it out for themselves.  After all, supporting your friends does not mean you have to agree with their decisions.

I would be naive to think we have not all been on one side or another of the dating scene whether it has been us with the broken heart or the friend providing the shoulder. So this blog post has been written for all my BFF’s in life or online that have struggled with finding that one fish that is worth keeping on the line. And while keeping it light hearted, I will share with you four fish to toss back into the sea. How do I know these fish? I have dated them. And maybe dated them more than once until I finally recognized the unhealthy red flags that just were not working for me.

Heck, I remember one of my most cherished male friends who watched as I fished and tossed stating “how do you ever expect to find someone as a keeper if you never give anyone a chance”. However, it was not that I was not giving my dates a chance, it was that I was perceptive to unhealthy signs that made me realize that I was not willing to waste my time or my dates.
So what fish are on is my list which I have encountered or dated and tossed back into the sea of fish. You may just be surprised.

Slime fish image courtesy of Tyler Scott.

Slime Fish

Just by the name you may automatically think that I am talking about the player. However, a slime fish catch looks absolutely delightful and appealing to the taste. Yet, this is your hot mess express that is slow growing in the maturity department.

These fish have no immediate plans on ever growing up and taking responsibility.  Now I am not saying that having a little fun now and again is a bad thing, but this fish is a multiple day a week catch that enjoys being the centre of attention. They may still even live at home and when your dating one, they are expecting to have everything done for them. They will have more “whine” than a vineyard. You will be picking up their slack because lets face it, regardless if they “look” confident and independent, they are far from it and are depending on your maturity and independence to do it all for them. And forget about them taking anything seriously.

In my dating years experience, I have dated a few slime fish. They were easy on the eyes and charming but when it came to maturity and responsibility ꟷ checked out. With temper tantrums and late night partying, how could I seriously keep up with the drama. The slime fish is also selfish and regardless of how they behave, it will be twisted in a way that you will think it was your fault.

In my experience, I have dropped the line and cut this one loose. If I had of been still interested in this catch, I would have fished for it again in its later years when he eventually matured ꟷ by that time he may have moved out from the parents nest and made a few dolla dolla bills of its own.

Pirate Perch image courtesy of Tyler Scott.

Pirate Perch

“Aye me bucco !” This catch of the day wears its anus below its throat. No need for the red flags tagged on this catch. If you can’t see this one a mile away, then please find a friend who fishes better than yourself.
No sugar coating to make this catch come up sweeter and I have certainly fished blindly in my life and have snagged one of these puppies on my line.

Why? Because like most of us who come across this catch think that his rudeness is sexy and his Casanova personality makes him appear appealing. Don’t be fooled. That rudeness is authentic and part of your catch’s self-entitled and arrogant personality.

This player is controlling, perhaps verbally abusive and a cheater. There is always a double standard of rules in the relationship. In my experience this catch will knag at your emotional line and break you down. During my online dating years, I came across several of these little devils. Only after getting to recognize them fairly quickly, I was able to toss this perfectionist perch overboard and hit the gas on my motor boat  quickly before ending up with a broken heart or worse.

Catfish image courtesy of Tyler Scott

Catfish

I am sure we are all no stranger to the term catfish. After all this catch has made it to the reality TV screen. These online predators are looking to snag your line and have you reeling them in. The issue; some catfish are hard to spot as they look great and can seem like the perfect catch. They are smooth and will have you hooked if your not careful and diligent.  Some catfish are looking for you to give them money, gifts and whatever other items they can emotionally entice you into providing them. You may even feel that you are in a relationship with the catfish because they are so good at what they do , you will be none the wiser until it is too late.

Other catfish are those hiding behind the good -looking pictures (pics that are not their own) and online accounts that have little or no personal information. They always have an excuse as to why they cannot visit or meet up and will seduce you with the profile they are hiding behind. They are most likely looking to gain personal information from you or provocative pictures.
During my online dating years, I was fortunate not to fall prey to the more dangerous money hungry catfish.  However, the type of catfish I occasionally came across was the one who used photos of themselves when they were 10-15 years younger and much lighter. While innocent to some extent, it wasn’t hard to figure out when time came to meet for coffee, the person who showed up didn’t fit the profile picture exactly. With technology and applications that filter pictures today, I imagine the only difference is one may not need to use an old picture as they can “filtre” a current one.

Regardless, it’s all still deceptive and catfishy. My thoughts are to get informed and beware, even with online non romantic friendships; learn how to spot a catfish quickly.

Spotcheck Stargazer image courtesy of Tyler Scott

Spotcheck Stargazer

This catch is similar to the personality of the pirate perch; however, this catch is a little more sneaky in their ways.  They blend in and strike when you least expect it.  They will appear to rescue you from your previous bad relationship but they may have been watching you all along obsessively. They may lure you in with their kindness and knight in shining armour demeanour but they are only interested in one thing. You.

I know what your thinking.  You want someone who is only interested in you and yes, I would agree but their needs to be a balance and the only thing they balance is your agenda.

When you show your independence and wanting space after the rescue, they may become obsessive, stalking and creepy. Checking your phone, wanting to know who your talking to and isolating you from friends and family just to have you to themselves while professing their undying love for you.

I recall dating a Spotcheck Stargazer very early on in my online dating experiences. He was good looking and very attentive. He had children of his own, was a private investigator and appeared to be the perfect catch. He cooked supper for me and came across as very caring. I thought I had hooked a great catch until I began noticing his vehicle following me on several occasions when we were not together. It didn’t take me long to cut the hook and sail away.

While we have all met or dated a fish that is not a good fit for us, you cant expect me to list my toss back fish without at least adding in my favorite catch of the day. And believe it or not, it’s a catch that most give a bad rap.

Shark image courtesy of Tyler Scott

The Shark

Yes, the shark seems to always give a bad first impression. Most would describe them as aggressive, intimidating and scary. However, the characteristics of this impressive fish can be given from another perspective. The perspective of someone who is confident and balanced in all aspects of life. The business owner who is successful. If you looked at sharks in its alternate human form, you would have a different perspective.

In fact,  I have read that some forms of sharks are a rare find. In the world of dating, is that not what we search for? A rare find that stands out amongst the others. Sharks have received a bad rap for years but in fact they are a most fascinating of the datable fish. Sharks are charismatic ꟷmysterious ꟷvaluable. Sharks are balanced.

They are on their own terms which would suggest that as a dater, they are not looking for a relationship based on need. They are independent but like to have an equal shark to spend time with while still giving the other shark space. They don’t need a relationship to fill a void and in my own experiences, those (including myself in my earlier years) looking for someone to fill a void, often choose one of my previously mentioned fish which bring with it an unhealthy relationship.

Sharks are independent and they look for likeminded sharks.  So if your looking for a shark, you might want to make sure the chum in your own personal bucket is on point.  A shark can tolerate seaweed on your fins (baggage/past) but they won’t stick around long if it begins growing moss and you are living it everyday and dragging them down into it.

Getting involved with a shark could be time consuming and if you are serious about wanting to date one; you’ll need to be independent and patient. The success of these sea gems will have them moving all the time as they are go-getters with no time for drama or nonsense. My kind of fish. They have ambition and a goal, so whining about them working late to secure your future together won’t work for them. A shark wants someone who is confident and are driven with their own purpose.

A shark friend of mine once stated “ relationships should stand on their own merit” and I would have to agree. So if you are someone who is in the dating scene, study your sea creatures and don’t be afraid to drop the line now and again. After all, not every catch is a catch of the day. Stay beautiful xo

P.S. All images in this blog post have been created by Tyler Scott. Tyler also created the image on the cover of my book “Eye of the Storm, Personal Commitment to Managing Symptoms of PTSD”, available through Amazon.

Emergency Beauty Kit Essentials For The Girl On The Go

This summer, my vacation consisted of glamping and road travels. Travelling can be difficult and I do a lot of it. That is why I always carry a few essential pieces of beauty and life essentials in my purse.  Having beauty essentials in my purse allows me the opportunity to freshen up anywhere and be that supergirl glam hero at a time in need for other boss girls on the go.  After travelling nearly 10,000 kilometres return trip by car this summer, I realized two major things; ( one of which I already knew and already practiced )and that was;

1. Having a Hot Mess Emergency Beauty Kit of essentials is critical for the girl on the go; and,
2. If you have a lot of road to travel ꟷfly. Obviously, a great way to see many beautiful country points but exhausting.

So, what do I carry in my hot mess emergency kit? You will be surprised that it does not consist of everything make-up. After all, this is an emergency kit, so I have added a few extras along the way for those times when beauty goes a bit further than a tube of lipstick.

Moisturizer

Q10 Vitality Moisturizing Cream

Moisturizers are a must in a girl’s daily skin care routine. During travel times, in an air-conditioned office, on the construction site and everywhere else we go throughout our life, our skin is constantly being exposed to the sun and its UV rays and pollutants. Our skin is the largest organ of our bodies and its main functions include protection, regulation and stimulation, so why would you not want to protect it from all those icky things that are harming it?

There are several face moisturizers on the market that have a built in mineral sun screen that will help you protect that beautiful face from the suns harmful rays; however, if you have your favorite moisturizer, like myself; apply your sunscreen product before your moisturizer and reduce your risk of premature wrinkles, age spots and other nasties. Remember, the closest to the skin gets the win. And yes, I made that up.

When choosing my moisturizer and other make-up and skin care products, I always look at the ingredients to ensure what I am putting on my face and body has natural or organic ingredients that will nourish my skin. After all, skin absorbs, so why not give it something nutritious rather than a bunch of nasty chemicals and perhaps ingredients you don’t even know how to pronounce. You will also want to make sure that your moisturizer contains ingredients that will preserve and retain the moisture in your skin. I am forever researching ingredients in products to ensure that what I am putting on my skin is going to be a benefit.

Of course, my favorite moisturizer for my face is my new Q10 Vitality Moisturizing Cream. It is super hydrating for the day and night! It is enhanced with DMAE, Cranberry Seed Oil, and Coenzyme Q10 which enhance its’ potent butters and oils that help fight dehydration and dull skin which are commonly associated with aging. Not to mention, it smells good; and you know me, scent is a maker or deal breaker in my any product that I use.

I also carry a small travel size portion of my Avocado & Cocoa Mandarine Body Bliss to apply on my hands, arms or legs in those moments where I am looking to pamper my skin with a lush nourishing body butter. It is rich in natural butters of shea, avocado and coconut which are so rich, they virtually melt when applied. And of course, ꟷit smells fresh and divine.

Foundation

There are so many foundations on the market and choosing one that is right for your skin tone (colour) and complexion are an essential addition for your hot mess on the—go emergency kit. I am all about travel size anything for a girl on a go, that way, even if I am using one of my smaller purses, I am maximizing space without compromising my kit. One of my DYI tricks is  mixing my foundation with the added protection of a facial  SPF sunscreen. It provides me the benefit of both worlds without having to carry around two products. It’s a win win and I place it in a travel size pod. It’s a space saver.

It is also important to choose a colour of foundation that matches your skin tone. But, to choose, you must know whether your skin contains warm or cool undertones. The best way to figure this out on a fly is to look at the veins in your arm, if they appear bluish; there is a good chance you have cool undertones. If they appear greenish, they you most likely have warm undertones.

Have you ever viewed a make-up videos where they are showing you how to apply foundation or create your look in minutes? She puts on the foundation and right before your eyes, you see her skin change from a pinkish hue to yellow? It is true that when covering up redness on your skin you should use a yellow based product to counteract the colour; however, when you see your skin changing to a completely different hue ꟷ yikes.

My tip to finding your correct shade of foundation is to try it on your upper chest area. The facial area is usually always exposed to the elements and the sun, so testing in this area may not give you a true answer and the neck is shadowed by the jaw line and rarely sees any colour ꟷ so again, may not be a good representation. The upper chest area is a balance between both.  I always test foundation colours on this area.  Remember, clothing colour and lighting will affect the results.  Always use a natural source light if possible.

My foundation of choice is a liquid foundation as I have aging skin and it provides me with the right amount of added moisture without settling into fine lines or wrinkles. Remember to choose wisely and according to your skin type.

Lipstick

Every girl on the—go needs a good lipstick, lip gloss or lip balm to keep her pout moisturized and looking kissable. I don’t skimp on choice here ladies and I usually have a variety in my emergency travel beauty kit to give me choices for different needs. While in the office, or sitting in the sun (which is sometimes one in the same) I am usually applying my Peppermint Kisses Conditioning Lip Balm for a quick go which provides me with a protective emollient balm that hydrates, smooths, conditions and protects the lips.

Peppermint Kisses

We often don’t think about our lips becoming sun burnt while outside catching a few rays but even with my knowledge about skincare, I am human and learned about burnt lips the hard way this summer when I got so busy entertaining and pampering everyone else while glamping and totally forgot to protect my lips while relaxing poolside. The result ꟷnice tan for the rest of my UV protected body parts but sun burnt lips. It was not until day two that I realized they had got sun burned. Thank goodness I carry my emergency quick go ꟷto beauty bag which contained my conditioning lip balm.

Shea Butter, Apricot Oil and Wheat Germ locked in that much needed moisture while nourishing and hydrating my dry, chapped lips. Can honestly say, I didn’t need any lip stick to provide colour for a week. Hard lesson learned.

It is tough to choosing a go ꟷto lipstick or gloss that will give you coverage and colour for moments when we want to add a little zing and colour to our pucker. That is why I keep more than one product in my emergency beauty kit and you can always use it as a go to blusher for a little pop of colour for your cheeks. I think we have all done this from time to time and why not; it’s a fantastic idea and saves space in your hot mess emergency kit for a few other items. A great lipstick can always provide duo service.

Of course I have some favorites, and they are my own Symétrie products and colours.  But I get it, not every product will suit everyone. I don’t take that personally and I understand that not everyone is going to like every lipstick or gloss that they try.  I also understand business and while I could sit here and make this blog entirely about me and my products ꟷ that is not the Symétrie philosophy.  I also believe that there are times that we need to give others props for a great product and uplift our sisters in beauty.

JWOWW Jersey Rose

I stumbled across this lip product when its creator liked one of my Facebook posts. Having this TV personality like my posts was a huge compliment and I decided to check out her Facebook page. This lead me to finding JWoww’s Jersey Rose Velvet Cream Lip Stain. It lasts throughout the day and has very little transfer. It dries to a matte finish and adds moisture and colour. I love it and for added moisture and a little shimmer, I will pop on my Peppermint Kisses throughout the day or a clear lip gloss. I love the Jersey Rose colour and am looking forward to ordering the colour Marilyn when it is back in stock. Keep staying beautiful Jenni Farley 

Mascara

There are so many different make-up products and mascara is no stranger to the pool. In my experience, mascara is that one product that continuously evolves and there are so many choices. Volumizing, lengthening and conditioning seem to be the common theme. I have several types of mascaras in my professional make-up kit to allow my clientele to choose according to their preference but the one I have most recently added to my emergency beauty kit  is Younique’s new Epic Mascara. I am already a fan of their 3D version but the new Epic gives me all the benefits of volume, length and conditioning rolled into one tube, not to mention it appears to curl your lashes. I love my false lashes at the best of times, but this mascara is a great alternative when I am not glamming my lashes to the top.  This mascara launches August 1st and I was fortunate to snag a tube before the launch date. This gave me the opportunity to put it to the test and see what all the hype was about and I am happy to give it all lashes up rating.

While all make-up needs to be tossed after a designated time passes; masacara is one of those products that I strongly suggest you toss often. Bacteria loves to grow and hide in dark moist places and no better breeding ground than your mascara tube. For my own personal use mascara stash, I often wash and dry my mascara wand. For my professional mascara tubes, I use disposable wands ꟷand no double dipping. I use a fresh wand every layer or eye. Depending on how often I use my personal mascara, I dispose of it after 30 days.

Of course I will still continue to seek out and compare mascara products, that’s the fun part of my role being make-up artist and beauty blogger, however; for the time being Epic is the winner tucked away in my hot mess travelling beauty kit.

Liner

Pencil, liquid, crème liners; they really are a personal preference. My travel beauty kit carries a jar of my Symétrie Hydrasheer Eye Liner Crème and a thin eye lining brush. Like all the Symétrie Mineral Make-up collection it bursts with humectants that nourish and enhance appearance.

HydraSheer Crème Liner

I personally use a brown liner most for two reasons. Firstly, unless I am going for an evening smokey glam eye, I am keeping it basic with a brown that is age appropriate. As we age, black often looks harsh and will enhance those fine lines and wrinkles. Brown keeps it balanced. Secondly, as we age, our brows thin out and tend to age us, so the brown crème with my thin brush allows me to give my brows a little fill and uplift on the go. And best part about this crème is it stays on throughout the day!

The Extras

A few other items that I tuck away in my Hot Mess Emergency Beauty Kit consist of few different feminine hygiene products. Even though I am partial to one product, I feel it does not hurt to carry a few other “extras”. I am sure we have all had those unexpected moments when we are caught off guard by mother nature. Nothing says, I got you covered when your asked, “you wouldn’t happen to have a tampon or pad ꟷ do you?” ; and your able to respond with “yea girl, what do you need?”.

Another great emergency beauty bag must ꟷ a safety pin. This little wonder gem can be pinned to the inside and come to the rescue in a moment notice and they are tiny enough that you’re not going to compromise the valuable emergency beauty kit space. Band-Aids are also a perfect addition for those long days or nights in heals and you get that unexpected blister.

One item I like to keep in both my professional bridal emergency beauty bag and my own everyday Hot Mess Emergency Beauty Kit is a small travel spritzer with my own DIY refresh spray of distilled water and a few drops of lavender. This is a great idea for a refreshing spritz during hot days that will give you the benefits of the lavender. Great for the nervous bride while I am getting her make-up ready.

So there you have it. My thoughts on what every girl on the go should have in her little Hot Mess Emergency Beauty Kit. After spending 20 years in the Canadian Forces, your kit becomes part of you and needs to be carefully selected and maintained so that you are never caught off guard without critical items. Even when I was out on exercises in the field, I was known to have some beauty aids on hand just to keep things in perspective.  Its all about balance.

You can also throw in your favorite mints, Tylenol or Advil, travel toothbrush and paste and a little pack of tissues.  There are so many other items that I could pack into this kit and I am always looking for ways of maximizing product use and keeping things compact without compromising. If you have an item to share, I would love to hear from you because balance is always about learning from each other. Stay Beautiful and come back soon to visit my online store. XOX Jacquie

 

Mean Girls…7 Tips For Dis-engaging In Their Drama

Last fall, I decided to join a Facebook group created for a product I had become a fan of.  The group was established to provide a safe space for women to share their positive experiences and tips for the product. Since joining, I have witnessed it often becoming a caddy space for internet bullies and mean girls to choose and attack their victims. What has become more disturbing, is watching those victims engage in the negativity rather than dusting if off and moving on.  Like a bad mold, they feed these mean girlsꟷgiving them the powerꟷto continue the cycle.  And, as a result, I have witnessed the unsuspecting victim becoming so worked up in the process, that they end up also becoming an aggressor in the attack.  Heck, I believe we have all been there one time or another.  I know I have.  Overtime, I have recognized my part in the event and decided to find strategies to assist me with disengaging with the mean girl and not allowing myself to continue to be the victim.  I have found strategies for coping with the mean girl’s aggression and aiding my ability to walk away without being aggressive and fighting back at the cost of my own self worth.  Crazy thing is, often I have had no idea I was pulled into it and began participating.  This was one of the main reasons I resigned from my job last fall.  When I weighed all the factors, the cost of a paycheque was not worth my integrity.

Truth be told, we are not immune; and for someꟷ like me, these very mean girls will be sharing your office space and your internet social media space. What I have learned in the process is, it is hard to not want to engage and set the record straight. Or, when the attack is against another person and your wanting to fit in and find yourself unconsciously engaging on the same side as the mean girls.  It’s tough but it then becomes about us and who we are and how we are viewed.  If you weigh all the factors and look at it from an unemotional place (usually takes me a few hours or overnight to get to this spot depending on the mean girl’s attack severity) then hopefullyꟷas I do, disengage with your head held high knowing you have not allowed another person’s control to affect you in such a profound way.

Bullies and mean girls are everywhere.  They are not just in school.  No, they are grown up women still targeting their victims and playing the same games as adults as they did when they were adolescents.  However,  today’s mean girl is quite different than when I was in Jr. High.  Today, the mean girls ammunition has taken a new turn from the nasty notes passed during class with a new angle of attack ꟷ social media. Sad thing is, this behaviour is being displayed by women of all ages.  And if you ꟷ like me, have become a victim of a mean girl attack, having a few gems in your back pocket to disengage may help.  I have gathered 7 of my own strategies for dealing with a mean girl ꟷ sharing with you to hopefully allow you to walk away and stay beautiful.

  1. A mean girl loves a person who they know they can intimidate.  It’s their power trip.  They look for a weak spot and WHAM; you’re their target, and they will use it to their advantage.  They will work their mean girl spirit effortlessly snatching away any bit of over confidence you may exhibit. Keep it balanced and learn to spot them as effortlessly as they have spotted you and balance that confidence.  You don’t want to give her any more power and boost her ego.  I recall as a child being bullied by a mean girl every time I went swimming.  This girl made me so afraid to walk home and often would follow me and intimidate me by placing herself in front of me trying with every ounce to get me to push her so she could start a fight.  I had no idea at the time that what I had learned about as a child in walking way would be no different than what I have learned as an adult.  Eventually, she stopped.  She eventually got tired of my non-compliance with her mean girl rule book and she more than likely moved on to another target.
  2. Mean girls are always right and will NEVER admit a mistake or take responsibility for anything.  In my experiences, I have come to recognize that not every hill is worth dying on and have often let it go without compromising myself along the way.  When your part of a social media group and sharing your successes or ideas, you may be the subject of a mean girl’s attack.  She does not want you to shine in her court.  If your able to recognize the subtle attack comments, you should be able to disengage.
  3. A mean girl does not like to be upstaged.  Remember, she is always right. I learned this lesson the hard way and only puts the mean girl at the advantage to do more harm.  Upstaging threatens her every core of thinking that she is the end all, be all of existence.  If you remember this tip, you should have an easier time in deciding whether you need to be right or need to let it go and move on and know your integrity is still intact.
  4. Avoid defending yourself in the mean girl attack.  This will turn into your weak point and give her more reason to continue in her mean-spirited ways.  She loves the challenge of an argument.  Anything to show you that she is better than you.  Remember tip number 3?  Walk away from the computer and disengage.  After all ꟷ if you remove the oxygen from the fire ꟷ it goes out.
  5. Ask yourself these two questions ꟷ how much bullying can you tolerate and how important is the social media platform you are a part of?  I’ve had to ask myself this question in a much more difficult format as I had to decide if my job was worth the mean girl attacks.  I spent more than 6 months analyzing that question amid being subjected to mean girl comments and, as a staff member pointed out to me “working in such a combative environment”.  I believe it’s the most difficult questions one will have to ask themselves in any mean girl situation as it makes us vulnerable to thinking they have won.  However, today when I look back at not engaging on a social media platform or even deciding to resign from my great paying job, I have no regrets.  Mean girls will be mean girls.  They will find another person to belittle and strip apart and they will continue until they go on their own self discovery journey.  And if they never come to that self awareness, they will continue on the cycle with the next person they feel they can intimidate.
  6. Do your own research. Over the years, I have taken mediation training, courses on dealing with difficult people and even assertiveness training to educate and work on myself in becoming a better version of me.  I am always reading and learning new things; including topics about social media.  One thing I have discovered is so many people today are wanting to be the next big internet sensation.  Let’s be honest here, most of us are looking for the most ‘likes’, the most comments or anything that will boost algorithm and get the attention.  For business professionals, its business; however, for the mean girl, its the stimulation of the drama they can create.  When I read a mean girl comment, I often ask myself a few questions.  Is this a legitimate profile?  Could this person be looking for attention to boost their online presence or cause drama?  In other words, what is the motive behind the comment?  It takes me a few seconds to recognize what is legit and what is not.  In the long run, a few quick questions allow me to process and make choices based on reason and not reaction.  There is a difference between a comment that you may not agree with and comments that are threatening in nature or attacking someone’s character.  Comments I may not agree with, I believe are easier to move on from and not engage.  The other, I believe should be noted, screen shot and forwarded to those whose online position take care of those items.  And in severe cases the legal authorities.  Which brings me to my final shared thought.
  7. Document the incident.  I have had to do this within my job and with online mean girls.  I have learned to weed out what is just a mean comment and what is threatening and attacking my character.  I don’t think I am alone in saving an email or having to use the screen shot tool on a mobile device or computer to capture comments made by someone who has made aggressively towards you.  While it is difficult to confirm who may be on the other end of these comments, I believe having a timeline of the incidents with details and quotes is far better than having nothing.

Mean girls are going to exist.  They will target you, tear you down and work effortlessly and manipulatively to seek out your weak spots.  Stay beautiful and balanced; that way you will not only be cautious about their presence but you will keep your calm spirit should they pounce. xo

“A successful woman is the one who can build a strong foundation with the bricks that others have thrown at her”. -Unknown

 

 

Beauty Balance with Olfaction — My 4 smell-tastic beauty picks for evoking you into a positive mood.

We seldom realize how much of an impact that smell can have on our mood and well-being. Our olfactory sense is said to be the strongest link between smell and our memory. For some, the smell of chocolate chip cookies can bring back wonderful childhood memories filling our heart with a sense of joy.  For others the smell of a heavy cologne may have a negative impact on the memory, with thoughts of an old boyfriend or, for some, the memory of a horrible sexual assault which leaves the individual with angry or fearful emotions.

In 1998, while serving with the Canadian Forces, I was part of a tasking that would leave a negative olfactory memory imprint within my brain. Today, my sense of smell is extremely sensitive and hypervigelant. I have shared with friends the impact that this event has had on my sense of smell and have made joking comments that I should be hired as a scent tracker for law enforcement. So—if the impact of smell is connected to memory, then it should be no surprise that any product that I purchase, the products scent has become the number one influencer in my choice to purchase it­—or not.

If smell can create such intense emotions within us, then it is a no brainer that the beauty industry has been said to have been built around the creation of the power of scent. Both positive and negative experiences are formed.  It is my belief that a company strives to obtain the positive impact from scent. The perfume industry is a prime example.  Scent is the essence of its’ existence.  Each company is competing for the next perfect scent to draw in their customer. With so many brands, the perfume industry caters to its customers diverse sense of smell.  For some, a specific brand of perfume may emote euphoric, happy and positive emotions, while another person may label the same perfume as offensive smelling and leave them with feelings of negativity and disgust. One scent with two entirely different emotional reactions. Amazing—right?

With scent being a deciding factor in my purchases of beauty products, I decided to share four of my all-time favorite beauty products. I have not been compensated in any way to provide my review and experience with any of these four products and they have been shared in no particular order. Each one is different in scent; yet, each one leaves me with an overwhelming feeling of positive emotions each time I use them.

Kashmere Body Polish

https://www.kashmerekollections.com/
Kashmere Body Polish

I will admit that I am an occasional fan of a few of the Real Housewives shows and sometimes their spin offs. We all need a little TV vice to go with our food vice—it’s my balance. The co-founder of Kashmere Kollections is non other than the Real Housewife and Don’t be Tardy star; Kim Zolciak Beirmann. The scent is often described as a fresh beachy scent; however, my nose picks up on another note of this fabulous product.

I shared my scent success story with the company and I have been quoted to saying that it is like “a hug in a jar”. In my experience, the Kashmere smell reminds me of the smell of the white gummy bears’ pineapple fruity smell. A childhood memory favorite.  Not only does this product have an amazing scent, the Kashmere Body Polish leaves your skin silky smooth. The sugar exfoliates dead skin cells while the oils in the scrub leave skin feeling radiant. Kashmere Kollections also offers Toning Oil, which contains the same yummy scent along with other fabulous products. They often have BOGO sales on products and it is a great time to stock up and take advantage of this amazing product. This one is a keeper in my line up of must have beauty favorites.

7 Virtues – Vetiver of Haiti 

7 Virtues Custom Blend Box

Every gal needs a perfume that leaves her feeling sexy and unstoppable.  I was first introduced to the 7 Virtues perfumes—once again while watching TV.   Boy, I am making it seem like I watch a lot of TV but I can promise you; like everything else, it’s all in balance.

The 7 Virtues founder and CEO Barb Stegemann appeared on the Canadian show Dragon’s Den.  Barbs mission and story was inspiring and landed her a deal with the Dragon’s.  Knowing this perfume was available at The Bay, I had to try it.  As noted on the products back cover, “Each fragrance is made with natural essential oils sourced from nations rebuilding after war and strife.”  A cause I felt I needed to be part of through my purchase. While purchasing, I could not decide on which scent to choose from and I purchased the Custom Blend Box.  

While at The Bay, I sprayed the Vetiver of Haiti onto a tester knowing that I struggle with some scents and perfume notes; however, I am a now learning that this way of testing perfume is not as effective as putting on our skin and allowing our body chemistry to balance with the product. I am happy to report that there is a reason this perfume was Chatelaines Beauty 100 winner and it has become my favorite perfume.   From its’ top notes of Bergamot and Lime to its’ lasting notes of Sandalwood and Amber, this fragrance is soft, sexy and sensual.  After dabbing it onto my skin, I realized it had a euphoric smell that overwhelms the senses with happiness.  I personally don’t think you can go wrong with the 7 Virtues Custom Blend box option.  Understanding why perfumes smell different on different people, the Custom Blend Box allows the purchaser to mix and blend each fragrance “harmoniously with the other”—7 Virtues.  It’s a win win no matter how you ‘pick’ your favorite.

Saje ‘Refresh’ Oil Blend

Saje Refresh Blend

Aromatherapy seems to have become the newest trend in wellness.  In an article by Dana Gottisman “7 Powerful Healing Benefits of Aromatherapy”, aromatherapy is believed to affect the mind which I have briefly discussed in the beginning of this article relating to my own olfactory experience. Gottisman further states that aromatherapy dates back to ancient civilizations using oils for both ritual and medicinal purposes.  While the concept is not new, companies are cashing in on the trend for emotional wellness and there are many different brands out there from direct sales to companies selling oil blends through the multi-level marketing concept.

I have many oil blends around the house and I usually allow my mood and nose to choose which blend I place in my diffuser on any given day.  I also have several pieces of diffuser jewelry that I wear as an alternate to my perfume. One of my favorite oil blends for my home is the ‘Refresh’ blend from Saje.  It contains a blend of eucalyptus, lemon and spearmint which carry a combination of a sweet soothing smell that leaves a positive twist on your emotions.  I often pop this blend into several of my diffusers  around the home when I am housecleaning.  After all, the daunting feelings of those tasks such as vacuuming, dusting and laundry need a positive spin, and Refresh is one scent that have added to my list of scents that leave me with an ‘almost’ intense love of housework.

Jean Paul Gaultier le Male

Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male

Okay ladies—how could I not write this article without adding in a scent for ‘him’ that is noted as being ‘forbidden’.  I am over the moon for this seductive male fragrance.  It is definitely my personal pick for a non edible aphrodisiac and while this is my husbands personal go to cologne, I cannot help but share a funny story that should give you an overview of just how powerful of an affect this luscious scent can have on emotions.

My husband and I were at the local grocery store picking up a few odds and ends.  My husband was not wearing his cologne; however, as we walked down the isles I was overwhelmed by a fragrance. That fragrance was ‘le male’.  I said to my husband “ someone in the store is wearing Jean Paul Gaultier”, as I proceeded down the isles with my nose aloof similar to smelling your way to the scent of a delicious BBQ.  Now for those watching, I looked like a loony toon wafting my way down the isles looking for the colognes owner, but for myself, the scent was overwhelming and hypnotizing.  It brought back my initial emotions of meeting my husband for the first time (which the scent does each time I smell it) and it was like I was falling in love all over again.

This cologne is a winner.  With notes such as bergamot, lavender, orange blossom, cinnamon, musk, amber and vanilla—who can resist.  Ladies, next time you are in the perfume isle at your local pharmacy or department store, ask to smell this love potion.  Better yet, ask a single stranger to test it out on his arm— you never know, it could lead to your own love story.

So there you have it, my personal picks of my smell-tastic scents that you will have to try out for yourself.  If you have a go to favorite scent that gives you feelings of peace and happiness, please share it so that I can take it for a test drive on the happiness wheel of life ! Stay Beautiful xox —Jacquie B